he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
