I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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