Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
