The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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