Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
