I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
