just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
