end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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