There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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