When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
