Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
