My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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