My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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