He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
