But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
