Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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