ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
