I heard we made out
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
