I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
