Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
