If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
do nipples grow back?
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