he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize