Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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