I'm drive I can fine osifer
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
