Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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