so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's rum buckets o'clock
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
