You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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