so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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