i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
