I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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