to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
4 words: hood of his car
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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