is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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