A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
how drunk are you?
Several
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
