what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
