Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
