oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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