I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
