Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
