Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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