Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
