ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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