I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
