How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
