Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
