I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
