one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
