On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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