what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
