Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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