I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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