dude i'm inner monologue high
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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