Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
