I think my vagina is haunted
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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