Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize