Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my shit smells like andre
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
