Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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