I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
