i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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