I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize