You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
