id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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