why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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