Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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