Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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