i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
