Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
