I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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