I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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