I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
