just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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